You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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