i was born a porn star she said
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
