i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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