I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
