one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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