Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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