we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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