Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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