Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
