i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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