Life is so much better after having sex.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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