Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize