I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just want to make out with him forever
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
