The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
