My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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