Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
