we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
