yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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