Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
