bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
