he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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