her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
