i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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