I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
