Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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