ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
