I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
