By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
