you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
