In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
