and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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