she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
