God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
