well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
where does the pee come out of this thing
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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