just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize