The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
