Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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