i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
