I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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