..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
