My hand turned me down
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
