I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
