So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
