Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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