You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
