Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
