I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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