Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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