the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
