my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
