You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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