oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
