Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
