sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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