...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
