Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You left your phone here
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