i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
