He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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