I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Acid is not a monday night drug
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize