The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Randomize
