You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
