Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
