he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize