oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
