he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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