hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
