Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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