I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
