You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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