So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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