You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
