Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
