either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
only you would photoshop your dick
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
